The Real Me

The Real Me

There is this amazing podcast called The LadyGang, this week on the podcast Becca Tobin talked about how we make ourselves look on social media versus how we are in real life. I realized that to many people out there, I look like I have the greatest life and that I am cool, confident, and adventurous.

But the reality is; I take hundreds of photos at every photoshoot for my blog and end up posting four of them, I have the worst anxiety about my whole existence on this planet, and I think about how much better the rest of the world is than I am and I regret posting about myself on the internet. 

So I want to get somethings straight about my life;

  • I have serious anxiety problems.
  • I'm so busy I forget to eat meals for days at a time.
  • I cry before every event and photo shoot because I feel inadequate in my own skin. 
  • I feel like the dumbest person in my friend group.
  • I feel like people who are my friends pretend to like me.
  • I honestly don't believe that I am beautiful 90% of the time.
  • I'm terrified that people don't like me.
  • I have serious daddy issues. 
  • I'm pretty sure that no man will ever want me.
  • I live in what is supposed to be a living room with only three walls and a curtain.
  • I'm mostly scared that people are going to think I am fake.
At a photo shoot feeling so bad about myself I had to cry and hide from the camera. 

At a photo shoot feeling so bad about myself I had to cry and hide from the camera. 

So why do these small things dominate my brain and who I am, when I am so much more than my anxiety and body image issues? I am;

  • Hardworking; I am a full time student, I have a blog, I am in a sorority, and I serve on the Panhellenic Council.  
  • Dedicated; if I say I will do something I will do it and it will be done on time.
  • A good friend; I love my friends more than myself. I would do anything for my friends, I will give you 300% of myself in our friendship.
  • Kind; I am a very nice person, sometimes to a fault, and I believe in being nice to everyone. 
  • Fashionable; I know I have good taste and that I am talented in my field, it's just hard to prove sometimes. 
  • I am thankful; because I have been given so many opportunities in my life that I feel like I can't complain about the bad in my life.

But most of all I know that due to my hard work and determination one day my dreams will come true. I just hope that everyone that follows me on instagram or reads my blog posts just understand that I am NOT as confident, beautiful, or inspiring as it may seem.